Monday, January 18, 2010
Tales of Drunken Friends
Everyone has been stuck being the sober babysitter for a wasted friend at least once in their lives. Tell us about a time a really shit-faced friend did/tired to do something obnoxious and you had to save their dumb ass/clean up the mess they made. (metaphorically or literally)
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my girlfriend and i went to the pub and she was already hammered before we got there. Then some guys at the bar bought her shots and she went from hammered to SHITFACED real quick and was gonna yack. The guy buyin her the shots pulled over a huge trash can to her stool at the bar. She leaned over and puked while still sitting at the bar with a beer in one hand and the empty shot in the other. She missed the trash can a little bit and the bartender handed ME the bucket and mop to clean it up. Then I had to carry her home and when she got there she immediately stripped ass naked and went to the bathroom and vomited again. Then i gave her clothes cuz there were people at the apartment that were like WTF haha. She put the clothes on and went to bed. I brought her a trash can that she repeatedly heaved into and then randomly proceeded to strip again to go vomit in the bathroom. then she gets into a verbal argument with me (naked) about how i'm "being mean" in front of all her roommate's friends at the apartment. Of course the next morning she had no recollection and was definitely still wasted til like 2 the next day.
ReplyDeleteMy roommate went out for her 21st birthday like a champ, not throwing up or anything just pounding the liquor. two days later was st. patrick's day... she was doing pitcher races all night against guys and she was winning. Soon after the pitcher races ended, friends who didn't see her on her birthday showed up and proceeded to buy her multiple irish car bombs, surfer on acids and other hard liquor shots. Her friend walked her home but she didn't have her keys. She decided to throw garbage at my room window and yelled my name over and over trying to wake me up to let her in. When i finally went down to get her she was sitting on the porch with her friend playing movie quote wars.. little did she know she was speaking gibberish. Needless to say i cleaned up our entire bathroom after her that night.. the bathroom started out all white and turned green in about 5 seconds... Green beer and vomiting all over the bathroom do not go together!
ReplyDeleteSo one fateful spring quarter, a friend's 21st birthday fell on a Sunday in which alumni we knew would be in town who specialize in getting us shitfaced. I'll preface this by mentioning that she spent the entire week leading up to her 21st wasted 24/7. Seriously, not a single sober second. So the weekend came after 72 virtual power hours and seriously considering paying rent at a bar to live there. On two consecutive nights, I was lucky enough to accompany the group walking home with her. I say lucky because I truly considered myself as such to be in the presence of such a professional alcoholic. Both times, after chasing her down the streets of this fine city and discovering her to be locked out, the smallest members of the group were drafted to climb her house and break in through the window. After breaking into what we considered Fort Knox at 3am, her roommates wondered out of their rooms and apparently almost called the cops thinking we were actual intruders. In the end, we got our friend inside and she had a hangover that lasted as long as her champion drinking binge.
ReplyDeleteMy brother and some friends visited me and some other friends at OU. My brother knows alot of bobcats, so when I was a little late coming out of a meeting, he had already started partying at some girls' house. When I arrived to the house, I dapped up my big brother, and my friends DC, CL, and JA (obviously to protect identities).
ReplyDeleteThe next events all take place within the next 5-10 minutes of me showing up and seeing my friends for the first time in a relatively long time:
DC tries to pour himself a shot from a handle of vodka into a Solo cup. He loses his grip and drop the bottle onto the floor; vodka spilling everywhere. He then tries to frantically clean up the spilling vodka and accidentally knocks over a 2 ltr of Coke, the cap of which was only resting on the top, not closed at all. So now there is spilling vodka and spilling Coke, simultaneously.
At about this point, I'm in comedic shock with my hand over my face, wondering how this could happen to DC and only DC.
While he is trying to clean up this giant mess, one of the girls walked into the room (they were all in another room finishing getting ready for the night). She yells "What the fuck," and I almost pissed myself.
Me, my brother, and my two other friends start making fun of DC, telling him what a fuck up he is and the girl jokingly tells him to sit in the corner, as to not fuck more shit up. DC actually sat down in the corner. So we started making even more fun of him for taking orders like a little bitch. He gets up and runs out of the house in a drunken stupor.
(Keep in mind that this is all still within the same 5-10 minutes)
About a minute later, DC comes back into the house and sits on the couch, virtually unnoticed. The girls all start filing into the living room, where we were, to take more shots. One of the girls, a different one from before, asked "Eww, what's that smell?" It was about then, when I noticed a trail of shitty footprints leading from the door directly to DC's foot. I started dying, laughing. Then everybody else started noticing the same trail. The girls started yelling at him so hard that he left the house, for good this time.
One of the girls tried to get my friend, CL, to clean up after our shitty friend, but he felt that she wasn't asking him in the proper tone. So me and brother started vacuuming and picking up random rubbish.
Just when I thought it had all ended, my friend, JA, who had been outside talking on his phone, walked into the house and said "This house smells like shit." We were asked to leave.
Needless to say, DC was shit-faced and didnt remember any of the night before. Hilarious.