STORY OF THE WEEK!

This is a true story that has not ever before been told in its entirety. I was a freshman here at OU and wanted to take advantage of what every freshman boy wants to take advantage of their first semester of college... party sluts. I have this theory that freshmen girls are ready to fuck anything that walks their first semester of college because they are new to the environment and have the idea that it is okay to sleep around because everyone does it(not actually the case but it worked out well for me my first year). New to the college environment myself, I raised hell my first couple of weeks on campus. Getting shitfaced every night, fucking all kinds of girls, basically doing everything you are supposed to do during your college years. I was loving life for a good amount of time until one particular night when I met this grizzly bear of a girl.
Just as all of these stories start out, I was shit-housed drunk and throwing all standards of judgment to the wind. It actually looked like I was going to be heading back to my dorm alone but a good friend of mine who had been persistently hitting on some random girl drug me along as a wing man. Eventually My friend, myself, and a group of girls went back to their dorm. My good friend got shutout at the last minute by this tease of a girl he was with. (What a bitch right?) So just as I am ready to head home with my depressed and sexually frustrated friend, the fore mentioned grizzly bear grabbed me and pulled me into the dorm. Alright, I know if I had any kind of decency I would have left immediately and walked home with my friend, but fuck it right? I was drunk and gonna get laid, how can anyone be expected to turn that down? So I went in. I went into this "grizzly bear's" quad and fucked her in front of all three of her either sleeping or pretending to be sleeping roommates. For reasons you can imagine the rest of the night is forgettable. It probably ended with me passed out, sweaty, and naked. Same for the grizzly bear. I woke up, still naked, being smothered by the bear. I think she was dreaming that I was the last cupcake on earth and she was guarding me from a pack of starving Africans.I literally felt like a small child, being spooned by a giant, wrapped in her tree trunk arms. It was early and no one seemed to be awake except for me. I had to get my clothes and escape. My life depended on it otherwise I was sure I would be eaten by this monster whose' bed I was sleeping in.I mustered up the courage and adrenaline to bench press this girl's arm off of my chest, by far the most weight I have ever lifted. I was shaking, just having completed a new world record in power lifting, and struggling to find and put on my clothes in the dark. Success! Right as I am finally dressed, still pulling up my pants, I reach for the door. I think to myself, I am in the clear. Then as I pull the door open I hear, "Where are you going?" OH SHIT. The bear is awake. I don't know what to say or do, so I just bolt. I run faster than I ever have all the way until I get back to my room across campus. I have learned my lesson. I will never pull wing man duty when there is a girl over 250lbs in the group. -Anonymous